Fading hopes of besties

Back in elementary school you meet those people who make you oh so happy. And before you know it you are proclaiming best friends for life and exchanging those half heart necklaces and plotting how no matter what, you will always always always be best best friends.
In middle school that group of besties shrinks. You find you are battling yourself more than anything, wondering why you aren't pretty enough. Smart enough. Popular enough. Enough enough enough. Others start to nit pick and take sides...yet you still have that some what shrinking group of besties who instead of switching necklaces are no switching lipsticks and secrets.
Here comes high school. Homework is piled. College is pressed. Drama drama drama. Ah, you enter into the dating world and feel love take you on that spin of smiles and tears. And the besties stretch further apart, until you only have a small handful that know your secrets, your fears, your high hopes for the glittering life lying ahead of you. Here comes graduation and you clutch the hands of the few, maybe even just the one, that have been with you through it all. Then you take a deep breath, and step into real life.

You know how your parents told you that the friends you have in school rarely stay your friends after? And you groan it off, swearing you will always be friend. That your parents dont know what they are talking abaout. Why dont they understand me!?

My question...why why why....why did they have to be right??


Here I am now. I graduated four years ago. Right after graduation I did the unthinkable in today's over educated world...I chose to get married. And my friends rejoiced. Then...non of them came to my wedding save two. Oh well..who cares that the one friend I called my best for years backed out of being my maid of honor a week before my i do day. Who cares...
We move back to the island. Life seems good. We all hang out and have fun with no curfews and late nights. We are not the drinking types. We enjoy life with laughs and jokes and soda pop. A year goes by...some leave for over glamoured college. They email less and less. The few still on the rock call us less and less...We wonder. I wonder. Why do they not want to be around me anymore? I ask. They deny. Life gets better for a little bit...

We find the most amazing thing has happened to us...a baby! Our friends are so so so excited for us. And then...they stop calling. Stop inviting us. When we ask they say they are all busy and dont hang out much. Then we hear it...they go for hikes. Go to movies. And about us? "Oh...we THOUGHT you MIGHT say no...so we didnt call..."

SIGH....


And now? NOW? Now aside from my amazing husband...I truly feel like I have lost hope of ever having a friend again. I remember scoffing my parents about the fact that they didnt seem to have any friends other than eachother. Now I think I understand...life doesnt let you. Oh, I have "friends"...Two in fact. Thats all. Who more and more now leave sooner or dont come over at all...I thought I was making a new friend. Till she heard word of mouth about something already twisted and now doesnt text or call or even say hi when I walk in the room... The others you ask? They claim they miss me but only want ME to visit THEM...never vice versa. Falling outs. Lies? Moving on with life...

How true the words ring clear now that friendships wont last. Shane is my best friend. MY confidant. My love. But how BAD I long to have that at least one other close friend again...a girl I can share girl things with. Do girl things with. A group where we can laugh and goof. I am feeling so lonely in that sense now.


People, listen to me. Enjoy it while you have it. In a few years most of who you call those little besties of yours will be a memory of a lifetime in a dream.

That is all.