Kinda blah

I just sat down and thought "Hey! I should write a new rant!"
Problem is...I dont know what to write about.

I mean, I have a ton of thoughts in my head right now. As always. But when I try to pick one to actualyl talk about...it seems to just disappear. Oprah is on TV right now (I dont like her...but I just havent hanged the channel...) and today's show is about homeless people. Families who, because of this dumb economy crisis, have lost their homes and have no where to go.

One - I really dont know what I think of this "crisis." I agree with Shane on that fact that most of it is in our heads. We hear something bad is happening, so we panic. And before you know it, jobs have been cut, homes taken away...all for nothing. I hate this whole stimulis plan they have for the big companies. Has NO ONE realized that all the rich people are just that? RICH. They gave money to the car companies that were whining for it like little kids...and the companies gave themselves raises. Uh huh... Meanwhile, people like Shane and I are stuck between lower and middle class. We need assistance and help but are JUST above that little line. Meanwhile, others are homeless and poor. But who cares right? The CEOs and celebs and politicians still have their five mansions and fifty cars and millions of dollars. I am actually for a communist type society...if only the greedy people would GO AWAY. Its the idea that works. But when you put it into action, mankind screws it up and makes it HORRIBLE. If everyone is rich, everyone is poor. If everyone has a home, no one has nothing. Why is that so bad? Why do we need to have those people who tower over us, smug and never struggling while we have to sit here and wonder if we can MAYBE buy food this month? The crisis isnt the economy. Yes, money is sucking. But the real crisis is that mankind has forgotten what matters, how to help...what life really is.

Two: Wow...I think I covered it in one. I mean, I could get into much more detail about everything I just said. I am sick of hearing about the economy. The stimulis packages that will do NOTHING for ALMOST EVERYONE. The new "oh so amazing" president who hasnt done anything yet for that praise except for being born half black. The oil and gas. Why cant the news talk about happy things? Oh, I know. They get BIGGER reactions for bad things. They love mass hysteria. LOVE it. Every think that if you just promoted the GOOD things...GOOD things would happen? HMM?


Makes me realize something though. I am so lucky to have my apartment. Its not my dream home, but know what...it IS a home. I have a husband who works hard to support us. Yeah, we have credit cards to pay off and live check to check. But the fact remains: we really are happy. I dont push to buy a house, a new car, lalala. Yeah, that would be nice. But that stuff REALLY doesnt matter in the grand scheme of things. We cant being it with us. We will bring our memories, our triumphants, and our love. And my family has that.

Fading hopes of besties

Back in elementary school you meet those people who make you oh so happy. And before you know it you are proclaiming best friends for life and exchanging those half heart necklaces and plotting how no matter what, you will always always always be best best friends.
In middle school that group of besties shrinks. You find you are battling yourself more than anything, wondering why you aren't pretty enough. Smart enough. Popular enough. Enough enough enough. Others start to nit pick and take sides...yet you still have that some what shrinking group of besties who instead of switching necklaces are no switching lipsticks and secrets.
Here comes high school. Homework is piled. College is pressed. Drama drama drama. Ah, you enter into the dating world and feel love take you on that spin of smiles and tears. And the besties stretch further apart, until you only have a small handful that know your secrets, your fears, your high hopes for the glittering life lying ahead of you. Here comes graduation and you clutch the hands of the few, maybe even just the one, that have been with you through it all. Then you take a deep breath, and step into real life.

You know how your parents told you that the friends you have in school rarely stay your friends after? And you groan it off, swearing you will always be friend. That your parents dont know what they are talking abaout. Why dont they understand me!?

My question...why why why....why did they have to be right??


Here I am now. I graduated four years ago. Right after graduation I did the unthinkable in today's over educated world...I chose to get married. And my friends rejoiced. Then...non of them came to my wedding save two. Oh well..who cares that the one friend I called my best for years backed out of being my maid of honor a week before my i do day. Who cares...
We move back to the island. Life seems good. We all hang out and have fun with no curfews and late nights. We are not the drinking types. We enjoy life with laughs and jokes and soda pop. A year goes by...some leave for over glamoured college. They email less and less. The few still on the rock call us less and less...We wonder. I wonder. Why do they not want to be around me anymore? I ask. They deny. Life gets better for a little bit...

We find the most amazing thing has happened to us...a baby! Our friends are so so so excited for us. And then...they stop calling. Stop inviting us. When we ask they say they are all busy and dont hang out much. Then we hear it...they go for hikes. Go to movies. And about us? "Oh...we THOUGHT you MIGHT say no...so we didnt call..."

SIGH....


And now? NOW? Now aside from my amazing husband...I truly feel like I have lost hope of ever having a friend again. I remember scoffing my parents about the fact that they didnt seem to have any friends other than eachother. Now I think I understand...life doesnt let you. Oh, I have "friends"...Two in fact. Thats all. Who more and more now leave sooner or dont come over at all...I thought I was making a new friend. Till she heard word of mouth about something already twisted and now doesnt text or call or even say hi when I walk in the room... The others you ask? They claim they miss me but only want ME to visit THEM...never vice versa. Falling outs. Lies? Moving on with life...

How true the words ring clear now that friendships wont last. Shane is my best friend. MY confidant. My love. But how BAD I long to have that at least one other close friend again...a girl I can share girl things with. Do girl things with. A group where we can laugh and goof. I am feeling so lonely in that sense now.


People, listen to me. Enjoy it while you have it. In a few years most of who you call those little besties of yours will be a memory of a lifetime in a dream.

That is all.

25 things about ME

I filled this out on facebook and myspace...and decided to put it here too. Hope you all enjoy learning new things about me!

So I guess the idea is to read this, get a kick out of it, then spend twenty minutes picking your brains for 25 things people would want to know about you then pass it on to at least twenty five people(including me.)
Enjoy!

1. I have been married to my love Shane for almost 3 and half years now
2. We have an amazing little boy, Rylend, who cracks me up all the time
3. I only eat my mac and cheese if I have ketchup to put on it
4. The first time I ever moved out of my childhood house was when I got married
5. I had to take speech therapy classes kindergarten to second grade
6. I was scared out of my mind when I auditioned for my first play...now I am addicted to theatre
7. I am afraid of driving at night...the headlights scare me since our accident
8. I bite the skin around my nails and cant seem to stop
9. In school, most people seemed to not like me for some reason, and I acted like I didnt care...but I did
10. I am very afraid of driving up steep hills
11. I dream of getting published someday. I am actualyl working on a book right now
12. I own more than 200 books...and thats definitely not enough
13. I have never set foot out of this country...SIGH
14. I am LDS (sigh..aka mormon) and am not ashamed of saying that I DO believe in it
15. I love the name Gertrude...but everybody else in the world seems to hate it
16. I always feel like the unwanted 7th wheel
17. Yes, I do play World of Warcraft...haha
18. I have conformed to being a housewife and watch...Days of our lives...
19. I am always thinking but am scared to share my thoughts
20. I am lactose intolerant
22. I love to take photos and edit them...but never feel like they are "good" enough
23. I never want to go back to school...ever. School is NOT my thing ha
24. I would eat sushi daily if I could afford it
25. I miss having close friends. But adult life seems to be catching up faster than we expected