Going Postal

I have never been an advocate for what us cyber folk lovingly call "snail mail" I remember back in elementary school when there was still the Pen Pal craze...I would write one letter than never even come close to completing a reply. I hated the time it took to write, stamp, address, mail...then wait and wait for it to GET there...then wait even LONGER for the return response. Yes, I am impatient. Surprise Surprise. My brothers both served two year missions for our church. I think I wrote them each...one letter. And oh boy! When EMAIL was invented..I was alllll over that one! Instant send, instant response HURRAY!

In all actuality though, snail mail is a great thing. It shows more care. More attention. Just the fact that someone went though ALL that "trouble" to send you a simple letter. As much as I might hate it, I never lack in pure happiness when I see a letter in the mail for me that doesn't contain "junk mail" or, more often, bills. The US Postal Service was founded by good old Benjamin Franklin back in 1775. Dont bother doing the math...I already have. That means that for 234 years, letters have been traveling all over this country, waiting to be torn open and read over and over.

Back in 1885 it cost about 2 cents to send a one ounce letter. And it took NINETY YEARS to go up to 10 cents in 1975. That's some time! Now get this. Just for us younguns, in our parent's lives (since most were born at or near '75 if not before...) the cost of one stamp has risen 34 cents! It took ninety years to rise 8 cents. And only 34 to rise...what do you know! 34 cents! That is one cent a year.

Now now, I understand the "need" for price changes. They say it costs more to print the same designs on the same pieces of paper they have always used. But really. We are paying SO much in taxes, in gas, soon no doubt will have to pay for the very air we breath. And 44 cents seems like such a trivial thing to complain about. But here I am, ranting. Not so much about the fact that we are closer and closer to paying 50 cents...then a dollar...to send a one ounce letter. Its just the fact that you would think at least ONE thing could stay at least somewhat...reliable? Dependable? Cheap? I am sending about one letter a week to a friend now. And today I sit down to stamp the envelope and see I only have one forty-ONE cent stamp left. Goodness. So now I cant even mail it off until I can find time to drive over to the post office, hope they are open, buy MORE stamps... And the sucky thing is stocking up on stamps seems almost pointless, since next year they will go up in price again.

You would think the greed could stop somewhere. "Dear Pony Express, Im sorry we failed. I would send you this letter, but I dont have a stamp. Sincerely, Me." They care more about getting those few extra cents out of every letter-sender than they do... oh say...in keeping people in touch with those we love. You shake your head and go "Well jeez! Why is she complaining! Email is free!" For now... Just you wait. I will not be surprised by anything now. We are over $2 trillion dollars in debt. America is bankrupt. Im waiting to hear the next "charges" we will all "owe" in order to "save" the economy.

So for now, I am sitting here, looking at the stupid 41 cent stamp in front of me and muttering my apologizes to Ben Franklin. Things never stay the same. Cant even depend on a dang sticky stamp anymore.

Can you tell I am going postal today? Rant...over.

Sleep Deprivation

I am so tired. Like, really. Really Really.

I cant remember the last time I actually slept through the night. And amazingly so, its not because of baby. My little boy started sleeping all of the way through the night when he hit 3 months old. I love him. No...for some other reason, I just dont sleep. I cant find a comfortable position at all. My RLS kicks in. I wake up almost every hour or so. Tossing and turn has nothing on me!

Some people say it could be stress. I sit back and go "Hmmm...yup! Could be that!" Talk about stress in life! Bills. I hate bills. And Shane not being paid enough, not getting his raises when he was supposed to. Insurance taking out about $300 or so a month then not even helping much to pay for my son's injury. My closest friend aside from Shane being accused of something he didnt do and is now sitting in jail (wow...thats a WHOLE rant of its own!) Come on stress...I dare you! Wait! No no please... (Haha please mr killer no)

Do you have any idea how much I would LOVE to just lay down, snuggle in my blankets and up to Shane, and just doze off into a good few hours of solid sleep? Mmm sounds delightful. The only way I can maybe sleep for a few hours straight is to force myself to stay up until at least 2AM...

Oh yes. And when I DO sleep...my dreams try to keep me awake. Honestly subconsciense mind, why do you hate me so??

Really this is a pointless rant. Not even a rant. A complaint. Almost certaintly pointless to read. If you have gotten this far, I am sorry. I owe you all a better rant. Now I just have to find something to talk about other than how TIRED I am right now.

YAWN

Assumptions

So I am sitting here, thinking about how much I do hate stupid people. Ah yes, just a point blank sentence don't you think? I am not talking about those who have learning impediments or are just not educated yet. I am talking about the people who know what is going on...then choose to make the DUMB move instead.

What triggered this thought? Well of course there are a number of things. I am a woman. At any given second I have at least 500 completely varying and opposing thoughts running through my head. Dominantly it was just from some movies I happened to watch last night. The first was Valkyrie. The second..My Bloody Valentine. Wow I KNOW...completely different movies in almost every sense possible. But there is one thing they both had in stark common: stupid people.

Valkyrie is a movie about the uprising against Hitler and the attempted assasination, which of course failed. Note, I love stories from this time. I am a very big reader on holocaust survival and the war. But for one: this was a Tom Cruise movie. There is something about that actor that I just DO NOT like. So sue me. But also...it shows the true human nature of people. Here they are, men and women who have realized that Hitler's mission is wrong and needs to be stopped. So they devise this plan to enforce martial law and finalyl do away from the Fuhrur. Of course it doesnt go to plan.

But what makes the stupid people come forward? Could it be one of the lead men chickening out and waiting THREE HOURS to enact the next part of the plan? If he hadnt waited...the results could have been so much different! From that point everybody starts to back out. Tuck their tails between their legs and run! It comes to a point in life when you do need to think about what you do truly believe in and want...then STAND for it. Instead...they laid back and gave up. I dont know. I just dont know. I know it was a scary time. But really...you doomed yourself anyway when you started the plan into action. Why not at least show what your made of and finish? Mega sigh

Now for My Bloody Valentine. Oh my LAME. Yes, it was cool how it started different than the usual "teenagers at party and man comes to butcher them" start of most scary thrillers. You knew the basis of the story from the start. But no worries loyal movie goers...about 10 minutes into and you find yourself right there at the prerequisite party as they all get hacked into with a pickaxe. The movie didnt lack gore at all. Super cheesey fake looking gore...but blood and guts all the same. You would think after YEARS of experience now in the thriller field, Hollywood could at least make it somewhat...less..."here comes the killer! let me run down the halls screaming then trip and fall!" I swear...the people in that movie had NO blanace at all. Yes, it kept you wondering exactly who the murderer was. Yet at the same time you sit there wondering "Really...small towns imbreed wayy too much!" I dont get these movies. In all reality...as soon as a madman starts butchering people on Valentines Day and giving their hearts in candy boxes...I wouldnt sit around and go ho hum. I WOULD MOVE.

So the question is...why do people do this? Here they are, facing life. There are two paths in front of them. One is rough, but you can still see the pavement underneath. And the other? Oh, a broken rope bridge over a gaping chasm full of frenzied sharks. And which one do they choose you ask? "Oh look...a rope bridge! FUN!" I dont get it. I know life isnt easy. And we all make stupid stupid mistakes. But if you see a man running at you with a pickaxe in hand, dont throw your arms up and run in circles, then trip and go "please mr killer no!" I say...find a place to hide, then call the cops, creep away, pack your stuff and get to a different town PRONTO. Or when you make a decision you know is right in all regards, a decision you believe in and cannot back away from...dont, at the last second, go "me so scared" and stop mid-sentence. Finish through. Know what you are doing. And if you think there is a chance you wont like it, dont START IT.

Its called thinking my friends. I know, its scary and foreign and not taught well in todays public institution. But I have faith in you. Go ahead, give it a try. Lets try to do away with these stupid people assumptions yes?

Thats my rant for today. Signing out

Kinda blah

I just sat down and thought "Hey! I should write a new rant!"
Problem is...I dont know what to write about.

I mean, I have a ton of thoughts in my head right now. As always. But when I try to pick one to actualyl talk about...it seems to just disappear. Oprah is on TV right now (I dont like her...but I just havent hanged the channel...) and today's show is about homeless people. Families who, because of this dumb economy crisis, have lost their homes and have no where to go.

One - I really dont know what I think of this "crisis." I agree with Shane on that fact that most of it is in our heads. We hear something bad is happening, so we panic. And before you know it, jobs have been cut, homes taken away...all for nothing. I hate this whole stimulis plan they have for the big companies. Has NO ONE realized that all the rich people are just that? RICH. They gave money to the car companies that were whining for it like little kids...and the companies gave themselves raises. Uh huh... Meanwhile, people like Shane and I are stuck between lower and middle class. We need assistance and help but are JUST above that little line. Meanwhile, others are homeless and poor. But who cares right? The CEOs and celebs and politicians still have their five mansions and fifty cars and millions of dollars. I am actually for a communist type society...if only the greedy people would GO AWAY. Its the idea that works. But when you put it into action, mankind screws it up and makes it HORRIBLE. If everyone is rich, everyone is poor. If everyone has a home, no one has nothing. Why is that so bad? Why do we need to have those people who tower over us, smug and never struggling while we have to sit here and wonder if we can MAYBE buy food this month? The crisis isnt the economy. Yes, money is sucking. But the real crisis is that mankind has forgotten what matters, how to help...what life really is.

Two: Wow...I think I covered it in one. I mean, I could get into much more detail about everything I just said. I am sick of hearing about the economy. The stimulis packages that will do NOTHING for ALMOST EVERYONE. The new "oh so amazing" president who hasnt done anything yet for that praise except for being born half black. The oil and gas. Why cant the news talk about happy things? Oh, I know. They get BIGGER reactions for bad things. They love mass hysteria. LOVE it. Every think that if you just promoted the GOOD things...GOOD things would happen? HMM?


Makes me realize something though. I am so lucky to have my apartment. Its not my dream home, but know what...it IS a home. I have a husband who works hard to support us. Yeah, we have credit cards to pay off and live check to check. But the fact remains: we really are happy. I dont push to buy a house, a new car, lalala. Yeah, that would be nice. But that stuff REALLY doesnt matter in the grand scheme of things. We cant being it with us. We will bring our memories, our triumphants, and our love. And my family has that.

Fading hopes of besties

Back in elementary school you meet those people who make you oh so happy. And before you know it you are proclaiming best friends for life and exchanging those half heart necklaces and plotting how no matter what, you will always always always be best best friends.
In middle school that group of besties shrinks. You find you are battling yourself more than anything, wondering why you aren't pretty enough. Smart enough. Popular enough. Enough enough enough. Others start to nit pick and take sides...yet you still have that some what shrinking group of besties who instead of switching necklaces are no switching lipsticks and secrets.
Here comes high school. Homework is piled. College is pressed. Drama drama drama. Ah, you enter into the dating world and feel love take you on that spin of smiles and tears. And the besties stretch further apart, until you only have a small handful that know your secrets, your fears, your high hopes for the glittering life lying ahead of you. Here comes graduation and you clutch the hands of the few, maybe even just the one, that have been with you through it all. Then you take a deep breath, and step into real life.

You know how your parents told you that the friends you have in school rarely stay your friends after? And you groan it off, swearing you will always be friend. That your parents dont know what they are talking abaout. Why dont they understand me!?

My question...why why why....why did they have to be right??


Here I am now. I graduated four years ago. Right after graduation I did the unthinkable in today's over educated world...I chose to get married. And my friends rejoiced. Then...non of them came to my wedding save two. Oh well..who cares that the one friend I called my best for years backed out of being my maid of honor a week before my i do day. Who cares...
We move back to the island. Life seems good. We all hang out and have fun with no curfews and late nights. We are not the drinking types. We enjoy life with laughs and jokes and soda pop. A year goes by...some leave for over glamoured college. They email less and less. The few still on the rock call us less and less...We wonder. I wonder. Why do they not want to be around me anymore? I ask. They deny. Life gets better for a little bit...

We find the most amazing thing has happened to us...a baby! Our friends are so so so excited for us. And then...they stop calling. Stop inviting us. When we ask they say they are all busy and dont hang out much. Then we hear it...they go for hikes. Go to movies. And about us? "Oh...we THOUGHT you MIGHT say no...so we didnt call..."

SIGH....


And now? NOW? Now aside from my amazing husband...I truly feel like I have lost hope of ever having a friend again. I remember scoffing my parents about the fact that they didnt seem to have any friends other than eachother. Now I think I understand...life doesnt let you. Oh, I have "friends"...Two in fact. Thats all. Who more and more now leave sooner or dont come over at all...I thought I was making a new friend. Till she heard word of mouth about something already twisted and now doesnt text or call or even say hi when I walk in the room... The others you ask? They claim they miss me but only want ME to visit THEM...never vice versa. Falling outs. Lies? Moving on with life...

How true the words ring clear now that friendships wont last. Shane is my best friend. MY confidant. My love. But how BAD I long to have that at least one other close friend again...a girl I can share girl things with. Do girl things with. A group where we can laugh and goof. I am feeling so lonely in that sense now.


People, listen to me. Enjoy it while you have it. In a few years most of who you call those little besties of yours will be a memory of a lifetime in a dream.

That is all.

25 things about ME

I filled this out on facebook and myspace...and decided to put it here too. Hope you all enjoy learning new things about me!

So I guess the idea is to read this, get a kick out of it, then spend twenty minutes picking your brains for 25 things people would want to know about you then pass it on to at least twenty five people(including me.)
Enjoy!

1. I have been married to my love Shane for almost 3 and half years now
2. We have an amazing little boy, Rylend, who cracks me up all the time
3. I only eat my mac and cheese if I have ketchup to put on it
4. The first time I ever moved out of my childhood house was when I got married
5. I had to take speech therapy classes kindergarten to second grade
6. I was scared out of my mind when I auditioned for my first play...now I am addicted to theatre
7. I am afraid of driving at night...the headlights scare me since our accident
8. I bite the skin around my nails and cant seem to stop
9. In school, most people seemed to not like me for some reason, and I acted like I didnt care...but I did
10. I am very afraid of driving up steep hills
11. I dream of getting published someday. I am actualyl working on a book right now
12. I own more than 200 books...and thats definitely not enough
13. I have never set foot out of this country...SIGH
14. I am LDS (sigh..aka mormon) and am not ashamed of saying that I DO believe in it
15. I love the name Gertrude...but everybody else in the world seems to hate it
16. I always feel like the unwanted 7th wheel
17. Yes, I do play World of Warcraft...haha
18. I have conformed to being a housewife and watch...Days of our lives...
19. I am always thinking but am scared to share my thoughts
20. I am lactose intolerant
22. I love to take photos and edit them...but never feel like they are "good" enough
23. I never want to go back to school...ever. School is NOT my thing ha
24. I would eat sushi daily if I could afford it
25. I miss having close friends. But adult life seems to be catching up faster than we expected

Ah, the start...

Ok ok.
So, as many of you know, I keep a blog for my family. I want to make sure all my friends and loved ones know how we are doing. So whenever I happen to be able to sit down and think "Oh! I should update that!" I get on and talk about my adorable son and post pictures and praises.

Along with that, I have started a blog for my writing. I love to write. To express and dream and create. So I started a blog to try to get feedback and ideas and loving from people. So far...no luck. But hey that is life. At least I am trying.

I am sitting here thinking about those blogs, and realize something horrible. I haven't taken any time anymore for...myself. I do not sit anymore and just let my mind go on crazy tangents that do not matter but make me sit back at the end and sigh happily. Oh, I have many a thing I could ramble about. But it just doesnt feel appropriate to rant in my family blog, because it isnt about fmaily. And it definitely isnt always about how my writing of my books is going. So what should I do?

I know! I should start yet ANOTHER blog...and this one my dears...is for ME.
Yes, I would love it if you read it. And I would doubly love it if you acutally commented. But I know how rare that is. It seems people love to read...but barely ever take the time to let you know THAT they read. So you sit here and ramble to the thin of of the intertron feeling like a totaly loner, yet feeling small weights of unchecked thoughts finally lift off of your slouched shoulders.

Ta-da. That is my first Jenni rant here at my new blog. *takes a bow*